Motherhood journey & birth story continued • •
And so 𓏧 I dove in 𓄽
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That day I rode on the back of the bike home. I felt the morning sun caressing my skin and the wind in my hair. I felt the miracle that I was so beautifully blessed with . I couldn’t believe it. I was in shock.
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I will clarify that it only felt like a miracle to me and not all involved.
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I knew that I had to have courage every step forward and to keep going no matter what. I knew that there was a big possibility I would walk this path alone. But in the end, I am never alone. I have the earth carrying me and holding me, I have the divine guiding me, I have my heart as my compass, I have my ancestors paving the path~ showing me their ways and giving me strength, I have all the beautiful beings in my life that love and support me, I have Ponca as my guardian and at my side always ~ here for now, and in spirit forever, and I have my beautiful daughter carried within me, growing and becoming every step of the way.
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The journey has not been easy let me tell you. I have felt every fucking human emotion possible . I have grieved deeply. I have felt rage fuming out of my pores. I have felt such pain. I have felt abandoned, betrayed, and alone. I have felt so deeply lonely. I have felt scared and fearful. I have felt violated and disgusted. I have felt beyond disrespected and not honored at all.
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At the same time, I moved into magnificent layers of feelings. Next level from anything I’ve ever experienced. I felt empowered and strength like never before. To be a beautiful woman carrying life inside of her, I breathed the most potent life force . I felt primal and instinctually brilliant. I felt protective of me and my baby in ways I’ve never felt in life. I felt sexy and juicy. I felt more woman than I’ve ever felt. I felt zero room for bullshit in my life anymore. I created powerful and clear boundaries. I felt so capable and unstoppable.
I felt heightened as if I was in a plant medicine ceremony 24/7 and everything was magnified- smell, taste, sounds, feelings, energies. ( This also made me feel really sick my entire pregnancy until month 8 - literally ).
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To be continued 𓏧
